Friday, July 6, 2012
Friendly Advice.
Oh dear! I haven't updated this in forever. I keep seeing all these funny things that I mean to take pictures of and post... and then don't. Oops! This one was actually pointed out to me by one of my co-workers. It is a story that was running on our local news station webpage. Please note the topic of the news story and then the advertisement on the right...
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Power of the Adjective
Every word in the English language serves a purpose. While some are easy to define and understand in conversation others have many different meanings and interpretations. I am speaking specifically of adjectives. You know those words that describe something? Instead of just saying "I have a ball" you can say "I have a big ball." See, now you know something about my ball, it is big.
But let us take it a step farther. Let's add in the male/female factor. What you say? Words have different meanings to men and women? Well, while the true definition of the word might not change the interpretation of the word can change. Men: In today's lesson we will be working with the statement "you look _____________" where we will be inserting different words into that blank and seeing just how that girl of your dreams might be interpreting what you are saying. I am a woman not a man so all I can truly explain is the female interpretation so the best I can say on the man's part is that I am sure they mean well. Generally.
Now that we know what sentence we are working with, let's set up the scene: It is Friday night. Date night. You and your girl have been planning all week to go out to dinner at the restaurant you both love to dine at. She rushes home from a hectic day at work and starts madly preparing for the night. Now men, I know you don't understand some of the prep work that goes into a woman's grooming routine or why they spend all of that time getting ready. Take a look at the animal kingdom, even animals clean and primp themselves. You know, fluff their feathers to look pretty and impress one another with their plumage. It is the same idea. Anyway, she finally exits the bathroom dressed in her favorite cute outfit, hair perfectly shellacked into place, makeup painted on with such perfection it would make Michelangelo weep with envy. Now this is where you come in. As she walks out and smiles at you, you know it is time to say something (besides "are you done yet???"). Back to our sentence of the day...
1. Ok.
So your girl looks at you and says "how do I look?" You respond with: "you look ok." Now, from the man's point of view he is probably just thinking something along the lines of "yeap, you are the same girl that I fell for and I always think you look great and I'm really hungry so can we PLEASE go now." From the girl's view she is hearing: "way to put so much effort into it but you look just like you did when you rolled out of bed this morning, you just smell better." Now please take note as this is very important, if you use the word "ok" to describe your date then I would not recommend that you go out for a steak dinner or any other place that serves food that requires knives. Possibly even forks. With the wrong girl it could even mean spoons. Basically take her to McDonalds at this point because they don't have easily accessible sharp items and she will probably be of the mindset for the rest of the night on how best to stab you with a sharp object. She will be mad and upset and probably sulk for the rest of the night. Oh and your chances of "getting some" are pretty much zero at this point.
2. Fine.
"How do I look?" she says. "You look fine" you reply. Now really I am not sure that fine is an upgrade from fine. I guess it is an upgrade in the fact that at least it has more letters and it sounds a bit more positive. Seriously though it sounds more like a compliment you would give to your mother or your sister, someone you are not overly comfortable complimenting as opposed to your mate. Please see number 1 above for dining suggestions and suggestions regarding sharp objects.
3. Good.
Her: "Honey, how do I look?"
You: "You look good."
Now this one is what I would consider a middle of the road compliment. A good solid C. However, it can be pushed one way or the other simply by the inflection of your voice and your facial expression. If you say "you look good" while shrugging your shoulders and tipping your head to one side she is going to to interpret this about as well as "you look fine". Good and alright have the same meaning in this scenario. While it is acceptable it could be better. Keep all flammable items tucked away as she could possible start shooting flames out of her eyeballs.
However, if you say "you look good" with a more sultry tone, dropping the pitch on good, maybe raising your eyebrows (although lowering them can work as well) and nodding your head and smiling she is going to take this as she is looking very good and you are going to get pushed up to a C+ or B- range depending on how well you pull this off. Your chances of getting some have increased significantly with just this one little word.
4. Great.
The door opens, she steps out. That dress she is wearing fits just right. You say, "you look great!" Please note the exclamation point. This means you are going to say it with some feeling. Monotone responses are lame. Your girl is going to be feeling pretty good. You are certainly in the solid B range on grading. Look, women want to look good for their man. I don't know many that go home and put on their biggest sweets and dumpy t-shirt to go out and think that they look attractive or that you will think they want to look attractive. Great does make a girl feel good inside and let's her know that you still find her attractive after all this time. If you want to push it a bit farther you can throw a "wow" in there to, "wow, you look great!" Girlfriend will be happy and you won't have to worry about loosing any body parts any time soon.
5. Pretty.
You smile and tell your girl "you look pretty" as she approaches you. I can almost guarantee this will put a smile on her face and make her heart skip a beat. Of course a girl wants to be pretty. We grow up watching all these pretty actresses on TV and seeing models in magazines. In many ways it is a bit of a slap in the face because we feel some pressure to look like these women which in most cases isn't possible. Especially given the amount of airbrushing they do on pictures anymore! You want your girl to feel good and let her know how you feel, then this is a great word to use.
6. Hot or Sexy.
Both of these words have the same general feeling to them so I am lumping them together. Either way it all comes down to sex appeal. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing and of course your girl wants you to be attracted to her! A wandering eye for someone else is not on any girls to-do list. But again, this all comes down to sex appeal. A girl doesn't want to just be sexy. Clothes can do that easily. She wants you to not just be looking at her booty or her cleavage but the person on the inside as well. This will probably make her happy but isn't always the best compliment to start with.
I would highly recommend it as a follow-up compliment:
"Wow, you look really pretty."
"Thank you."
"Yes you are very sexy."
See, it is a stacking effect where you have complimented something besides her booty and have thrown two in for the price of one. This stacked method would be a guaranteed A+.
7. Beautiful.
Now, are you ready to go in for the kill? Have the girl that you adore more then anything and want to let her know? Want to make her feel like she is floating on cloud nine? "You look beautiful." This phrase doesn't get you an A nor even an A+. This pushes it clear into extra credit! This one word can turn even the biggest ice princess to putty on the inside. Every girl wants to be beautiful. I do not know a a better word or compliment for a woman. Are there any women that disagree? I don't know many women that look at their reflection in the mirror and think "I am beautiful". Pretty perhaps, attractive maybe, acceptable likely. This one will be guaranteed put a smile on her face and make her heart start beating way to fast (or stop depending on the girl.). She gets that warm fuzzy feeling inside that makes her feel happy, loved and like she is the only girl on the face of the earth in that moment. Want to make your girl just randomly smile while you are at work? Send her a text that says "hello beautiful." It will brighten her day and make her fall in love with you all over again!
So there you have it guys, a little advice on what certain words mean to your girl and how you can guarantee the best results for your comment!
On a side note I do have to give some props to Dustin for this particular post. The idea was born out of a joking conversation we had that turned into a debate about wisdom and love and ended up on a conversation about the word beautiful. In truth the conversation was random, as are most of our conversations, but it made me think about how certain words can totally change the outcome of a situation.
But let us take it a step farther. Let's add in the male/female factor. What you say? Words have different meanings to men and women? Well, while the true definition of the word might not change the interpretation of the word can change. Men: In today's lesson we will be working with the statement "you look _____________" where we will be inserting different words into that blank and seeing just how that girl of your dreams might be interpreting what you are saying. I am a woman not a man so all I can truly explain is the female interpretation so the best I can say on the man's part is that I am sure they mean well. Generally.
Now that we know what sentence we are working with, let's set up the scene: It is Friday night. Date night. You and your girl have been planning all week to go out to dinner at the restaurant you both love to dine at. She rushes home from a hectic day at work and starts madly preparing for the night. Now men, I know you don't understand some of the prep work that goes into a woman's grooming routine or why they spend all of that time getting ready. Take a look at the animal kingdom, even animals clean and primp themselves. You know, fluff their feathers to look pretty and impress one another with their plumage. It is the same idea. Anyway, she finally exits the bathroom dressed in her favorite cute outfit, hair perfectly shellacked into place, makeup painted on with such perfection it would make Michelangelo weep with envy. Now this is where you come in. As she walks out and smiles at you, you know it is time to say something (besides "are you done yet???"). Back to our sentence of the day...
1. Ok.
So your girl looks at you and says "how do I look?" You respond with: "you look ok." Now, from the man's point of view he is probably just thinking something along the lines of "yeap, you are the same girl that I fell for and I always think you look great and I'm really hungry so can we PLEASE go now." From the girl's view she is hearing: "way to put so much effort into it but you look just like you did when you rolled out of bed this morning, you just smell better." Now please take note as this is very important, if you use the word "ok" to describe your date then I would not recommend that you go out for a steak dinner or any other place that serves food that requires knives. Possibly even forks. With the wrong girl it could even mean spoons. Basically take her to McDonalds at this point because they don't have easily accessible sharp items and she will probably be of the mindset for the rest of the night on how best to stab you with a sharp object. She will be mad and upset and probably sulk for the rest of the night. Oh and your chances of "getting some" are pretty much zero at this point.
2. Fine.
"How do I look?" she says. "You look fine" you reply. Now really I am not sure that fine is an upgrade from fine. I guess it is an upgrade in the fact that at least it has more letters and it sounds a bit more positive. Seriously though it sounds more like a compliment you would give to your mother or your sister, someone you are not overly comfortable complimenting as opposed to your mate. Please see number 1 above for dining suggestions and suggestions regarding sharp objects.
3. Good.
Her: "Honey, how do I look?"
You: "You look good."
Now this one is what I would consider a middle of the road compliment. A good solid C. However, it can be pushed one way or the other simply by the inflection of your voice and your facial expression. If you say "you look good" while shrugging your shoulders and tipping your head to one side she is going to to interpret this about as well as "you look fine". Good and alright have the same meaning in this scenario. While it is acceptable it could be better. Keep all flammable items tucked away as she could possible start shooting flames out of her eyeballs.
However, if you say "you look good" with a more sultry tone, dropping the pitch on good, maybe raising your eyebrows (although lowering them can work as well) and nodding your head and smiling she is going to take this as she is looking very good and you are going to get pushed up to a C+ or B- range depending on how well you pull this off. Your chances of getting some have increased significantly with just this one little word.
4. Great.
The door opens, she steps out. That dress she is wearing fits just right. You say, "you look great!" Please note the exclamation point. This means you are going to say it with some feeling. Monotone responses are lame. Your girl is going to be feeling pretty good. You are certainly in the solid B range on grading. Look, women want to look good for their man. I don't know many that go home and put on their biggest sweets and dumpy t-shirt to go out and think that they look attractive or that you will think they want to look attractive. Great does make a girl feel good inside and let's her know that you still find her attractive after all this time. If you want to push it a bit farther you can throw a "wow" in there to, "wow, you look great!" Girlfriend will be happy and you won't have to worry about loosing any body parts any time soon.
5. Pretty.
You smile and tell your girl "you look pretty" as she approaches you. I can almost guarantee this will put a smile on her face and make her heart skip a beat. Of course a girl wants to be pretty. We grow up watching all these pretty actresses on TV and seeing models in magazines. In many ways it is a bit of a slap in the face because we feel some pressure to look like these women which in most cases isn't possible. Especially given the amount of airbrushing they do on pictures anymore! You want your girl to feel good and let her know how you feel, then this is a great word to use.
6. Hot or Sexy.
Both of these words have the same general feeling to them so I am lumping them together. Either way it all comes down to sex appeal. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing and of course your girl wants you to be attracted to her! A wandering eye for someone else is not on any girls to-do list. But again, this all comes down to sex appeal. A girl doesn't want to just be sexy. Clothes can do that easily. She wants you to not just be looking at her booty or her cleavage but the person on the inside as well. This will probably make her happy but isn't always the best compliment to start with.
I would highly recommend it as a follow-up compliment:
"Wow, you look really pretty."
"Thank you."
"Yes you are very sexy."
See, it is a stacking effect where you have complimented something besides her booty and have thrown two in for the price of one. This stacked method would be a guaranteed A+.
7. Beautiful.
Now, are you ready to go in for the kill? Have the girl that you adore more then anything and want to let her know? Want to make her feel like she is floating on cloud nine? "You look beautiful." This phrase doesn't get you an A nor even an A+. This pushes it clear into extra credit! This one word can turn even the biggest ice princess to putty on the inside. Every girl wants to be beautiful. I do not know a a better word or compliment for a woman. Are there any women that disagree? I don't know many women that look at their reflection in the mirror and think "I am beautiful". Pretty perhaps, attractive maybe, acceptable likely. This one will be guaranteed put a smile on her face and make her heart start beating way to fast (or stop depending on the girl.). She gets that warm fuzzy feeling inside that makes her feel happy, loved and like she is the only girl on the face of the earth in that moment. Want to make your girl just randomly smile while you are at work? Send her a text that says "hello beautiful." It will brighten her day and make her fall in love with you all over again!
So there you have it guys, a little advice on what certain words mean to your girl and how you can guarantee the best results for your comment!
On a side note I do have to give some props to Dustin for this particular post. The idea was born out of a joking conversation we had that turned into a debate about wisdom and love and ended up on a conversation about the word beautiful. In truth the conversation was random, as are most of our conversations, but it made me think about how certain words can totally change the outcome of a situation.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Who'd a thunk
Just as an FYI you might have to click the picture to enlarge it. I was down at the river a couple of weeks ago and decided to take a picture of the sunset. While doing that, I noticed this. Hippos? In Idaho? In the snake river??? Nah, just a rock, but that is sure what it looks like!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Value Shopper.
Don't let it be said that I don't know how to be a bargain shopper! Yes, this receipt is 100% real. I held on to it because it was to funny to throw away.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Muggle Mail
Anyone else read Harry Potter? Remember in The Goblet of Fire when the Weasleys send the letter to the Dursleys saying that they are coming to pick up Harry? Remember the description of the envelope? We got this in the mail the other day and I couldn't help but chuckle because it reminded me of that.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
What Were They Thinking
I was walking through the store today when I saw this
I believe their follow-up product is going to be called "Jack Ass Eliminator." I plan on buying a couple of cases to distribute to my ex's.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
My Guide to Online Dating
Over the years I have read, replied to and posted personal ads.
Before you go on and on about how I am likely to be drugged, thrown in the trunk of my car and murdered by some insane individual I might possible meet on the internet, let me just save you the trouble and tell you that I already know this. Thanks though. Sure, I could go meet a guy in a bar. That means that he probably likes to drink. And if I see the same guy in the same bar more then once there is a possibility that he has a drinking problem, could get drunk, drag me out by my hair and beat me. The supermarket is just as creepy. Do you really want to date that guy that keeps suggestively feeling the cantaloupe while leering at you? I think not.
Anyway, back to the original point. In my reading of personal ads I keep coming across the same things that make me just want to rip my hair out. To save my head, and possibly help some people find a date, I thought I would share my little list of don’ts.
1. Thank you Captain Obvious.
Imagine the scene, you are browsing through a list of personal ads and a picture or headline catches your eye. You get all excited and click on it and within the first two sentences you read “I like the outdoors” which is frequently not followed by any type of explanation. This makes me want to poke someone with a fork. The only thing that you have managed to inform me of is that while the rest of the population prefers to stay locked in a room with no windows and venture out only when absolutely necessary, that you will actually go outside and enjoy it. Are you kidding me? Be specific!
2. Your main profile picture is your truck/car/motorcycle.
Scrolling down a list of profiles you come upon the inevitable… the picture of the big truck, fast car or shiny motorcycle. My first thought? Ohhhh my God! It’s Optimus Prime! Or, in the alternative, double checking the webpage address to make sure I didn’t somehow end up in the used car section somehow. Guys, here is a piece of advice, women that are looking at personal ads are looking for a man not a vehicle. Sure, your vehicle is nice and all, but unless you are looking for a woman that is only interested in all the shiny things you can buy then you should probably start with you. Sure if you want a post a picture of you AND your vehicle then that is fine but at least make sure that you are in the picture.
3. Shift key, comma, period. Learn them.
I am not aware of any “video only” personal ad sites that are out there. Anyone that sends you a link to one is probably trying to get you to sign up for their porn website. This means that your profile is going to be READ. I promise there is nothing to fear about capital letters, commas or periods (yes, I can already imagine the PMS jokes to go with this). Reading a profile with absolutely no punctuation or capitals is annoying. It makes my brain hurt. Not only will I want to stab something with a fork, I will probably also feel the urge to light something on fire. Most likely it will be you. I would rather have someone try and get it wrong then just leave them out all together. At least if you are attempting to use them then I know you are putting a little bit of effort into it. Leaving them out all together screams “I can’t be bothered to put enough effort into this so to type a “.” now and then, so why should I put any effort into a relationship.” Ok maybe that is a little bit harsh but you get my point.
4. Guns and pointy objects.
You are a man and not just any man but you are a manly man! To enhance your burly man image your profile picture is of you holding a large rifle or hunting knife. Look, it is your right as an American citizen to go out and hunt, trap and otherwise chase small and large furry critters. I get that. But go back up the very beginning of this… see that part about getting murdered by random strangers on the internet? Yeah… see a picture of you standing there holding a big ole’ gun doesn’t leave me with a reassured feeling. I’m not saying that all hunters are out to murder humans, not saying that at all. But it still doesn’t give many women a warm fuzzy feeling of love to see you waving a knife in one hand and holding a beer in the other while you have that mad gleam in your eye.
Guys, with just a few minor changes, you too can have a personal ad to be proud of!
Before you go on and on about how I am likely to be drugged, thrown in the trunk of my car and murdered by some insane individual I might possible meet on the internet, let me just save you the trouble and tell you that I already know this. Thanks though. Sure, I could go meet a guy in a bar. That means that he probably likes to drink. And if I see the same guy in the same bar more then once there is a possibility that he has a drinking problem, could get drunk, drag me out by my hair and beat me. The supermarket is just as creepy. Do you really want to date that guy that keeps suggestively feeling the cantaloupe while leering at you? I think not.
Anyway, back to the original point. In my reading of personal ads I keep coming across the same things that make me just want to rip my hair out. To save my head, and possibly help some people find a date, I thought I would share my little list of don’ts.
1. Thank you Captain Obvious.
Imagine the scene, you are browsing through a list of personal ads and a picture or headline catches your eye. You get all excited and click on it and within the first two sentences you read “I like the outdoors” which is frequently not followed by any type of explanation. This makes me want to poke someone with a fork. The only thing that you have managed to inform me of is that while the rest of the population prefers to stay locked in a room with no windows and venture out only when absolutely necessary, that you will actually go outside and enjoy it. Are you kidding me? Be specific!
2. Your main profile picture is your truck/car/motorcycle.
Scrolling down a list of profiles you come upon the inevitable… the picture of the big truck, fast car or shiny motorcycle. My first thought? Ohhhh my God! It’s Optimus Prime! Or, in the alternative, double checking the webpage address to make sure I didn’t somehow end up in the used car section somehow. Guys, here is a piece of advice, women that are looking at personal ads are looking for a man not a vehicle. Sure, your vehicle is nice and all, but unless you are looking for a woman that is only interested in all the shiny things you can buy then you should probably start with you. Sure if you want a post a picture of you AND your vehicle then that is fine but at least make sure that you are in the picture.
3. Shift key, comma, period. Learn them.
I am not aware of any “video only” personal ad sites that are out there. Anyone that sends you a link to one is probably trying to get you to sign up for their porn website. This means that your profile is going to be READ. I promise there is nothing to fear about capital letters, commas or periods (yes, I can already imagine the PMS jokes to go with this). Reading a profile with absolutely no punctuation or capitals is annoying. It makes my brain hurt. Not only will I want to stab something with a fork, I will probably also feel the urge to light something on fire. Most likely it will be you. I would rather have someone try and get it wrong then just leave them out all together. At least if you are attempting to use them then I know you are putting a little bit of effort into it. Leaving them out all together screams “I can’t be bothered to put enough effort into this so to type a “.” now and then, so why should I put any effort into a relationship.” Ok maybe that is a little bit harsh but you get my point.
4. Guns and pointy objects.
You are a man and not just any man but you are a manly man! To enhance your burly man image your profile picture is of you holding a large rifle or hunting knife. Look, it is your right as an American citizen to go out and hunt, trap and otherwise chase small and large furry critters. I get that. But go back up the very beginning of this… see that part about getting murdered by random strangers on the internet? Yeah… see a picture of you standing there holding a big ole’ gun doesn’t leave me with a reassured feeling. I’m not saying that all hunters are out to murder humans, not saying that at all. But it still doesn’t give many women a warm fuzzy feeling of love to see you waving a knife in one hand and holding a beer in the other while you have that mad gleam in your eye.
Guys, with just a few minor changes, you too can have a personal ad to be proud of!
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